King of the Mountain: Game One Report

Ladies and Gentlemen, sentient humanoids of all ages, welcome to King of the Mountain! Today’s match promises to be a thrill-ride of action, excitement, and one guy jumping up and down whooping for joy.

From all across Immoren the competitors have gathered, bringing with them towering colossi of destruction, ready to throw down in an attempt to earn a title that’s worth a grand total of diddly squat, all for your entertainment.

Today’s match brings us four squads of fierce opponents, steam-powered death machines and feral beasties from your wildest nightmares. Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to present to you… your competitors!

Hailing from the depths of the Thornwood, where they regularly embark on campaigns of ecoterrorism in service to the very planet itself, lock up yer menfolk, it’s Kaya and the Thornwood Three!

Riding hell-for-leather out of the hills, guns blazing and frightening ignorant savages and small furry mammals alike, the only squad bringing a pony to a monster fight, the Happy Campers!

To say their leader has a sour demeanour is like saying Calandra’s got some junk in her trunk. Stalking down from the North with spear, claw and really cold breath, it’s Grim and the Dining Trio!

And finally, touched by the hand of Menoth himself, ready to bring wrack and ruin to his foes, High Executioner Servath Reznik’s packing two enormous hunks of walking metal – it’s the Sul Purgators!

The arena today looks… well… I can’t really say lovely, it’s a gobber settlement. The “mountain” rises as majestically as a hillock in the middle of a swamp can, and low laying noxious fog seems to be covering the rest of the field. I guess it’s a lovely day in the swamp, it’s hard to tell with the cloud cover and drizzle…

As the arkanikameras pan across the field you can see Kaya and Grim setting up behind their warbeasts, Kraye setting up behind his warjacks, and… well, apparently Reznik’s feeling his wheaties this morning, he’s set up between his Guardian and Reckoner, thumbing his nose at all three opponents. The High Executioner’s got some moxie!

And there’s the whistle! Game on!

[Note: Play order is determined by dice, not simply clockwise from the highest roller. Play order is: Circle, Cygnar, Trolls, Protectorate]

Turn 1

The swamp mists appear to be whirling around Kaya as the Thornwood Three move forward. It’s looking like everyone’s advancing cautiously – I can see the Trolls icing up as they advance, the Sul Purgators are pacing forward – that Reckoner looks like it’s champing at the bit! – and… here come the Happy Campers. The Ironclad’s jogging toward the Thornwood squad, and… we have shots! Zoom in, kamera crews!

The Sentinel wastes no time

Yes, the Sentinel and Hunter have opened fire on the Thornwood Three! Looks like some minor damage to Li’l Rocky and Oof! That’s a square hit on the Vet from the Hunter!

[Circle advances. Rager on Warp2 (Pup - brown), Cloak of Mists on Kaya, Vigilance on Warp1 (Vet – grey)]
[Cygnar advances. Ironclad runs, Sentinel sprays Warp1 and Li'l Rocky (Woldwatcher) for minimal damage, Hunter shoots Warp1 for 6 damage]
[Trolls advance. Freezer on all four members, Winter also uses Rime]
[Menoth advances, slightly closer to Cygnar, Zealot’s Rage on Reckoner]

Turn 2

The wolves aren’t taking the assault lightly! While Kaya looks to have directed the Pup to watch for incoming Trolls, both Li’l Rocky and the Vet are looking to square off with the Cygnaran warjacks. Good thing too, here comes the Ironclad!

[Circle: Warp1 warps for armor, turns to face Cygnar. Warp2 armor, turns to face Trolls. Wold enters stone form. Kaya moves up, Vigilance on Warp1]

Dropping the shoulder, the Ironclad goes for the slam on the Vet, but that wily old Warpwolf is ready for him – swinging to the side, the slam topples the old grey warbeast only a short distance, rather than shoving him into Li’l Rocky.

Looking to capitalize, the rest of the Happy Campers open fire on the prone Vet! Shells are flying everywhere… wait, getting a shot through the smoke… and… Vet’s still in the game! The Cygnarans couldn’t seal the deal!

[Cygnar: Ironclad tries to slam Warp1; Vigilance, Warp1 swings around onto hill, so won’t slam into teammates. Slam shoves Warp1 1”. Kraye shoots Warp1 for 9 damage; Hunter shoots Warp1 for 2 damage, Sentinel gets 5 shots off but only does 1 damage]

Vigilance - now with added hill bits!

On the other side of the table the trolls aren’t being idle – there’s a ten foot spear and… it missed the Pup! Grim’s drawn his sidearm and… there’s the tether and it misses too! It’s a poor showing from the Troll nation’s master shooter, could be all that ice.

[Trolls: Impaler uses Far Strike, misses Warp2. More rime and Freezer all over, Grim tries to Tether Warp2 but misses. Mauler moves up]

Panning over, and… Vox Dei the Guardian is on the hill! Whoop, the arc node just flared, it’s a shot on the Pup! And in comes the Reckoner – Condemner flare away! A hit on the Winter Troll, but it doesn’t seem to have done much damage…

[Menoth: Guardian moves onto the hill; Reznik arcs Perdition onto Warp2 for 4 damage; the Reckoner surges forward. Reckoner declares charge on Winter Troll, assaults for minor damage. Chris kicks self for not using Perdition to move Guardian closer rather than Reckoner, to arc Brand.]

The hill belongs to Menoth and Orboros

Turn 3

They’ve taken some hits, but the Thornwood Three aren’t messing around. The Pup’s moving and… yes, he’s grabbed the Reckoner, Spiritus Dei, and he’s going for a throw! It’s bulging muscle against steam-driven strength, and the Reckoner’s up! … and down again, looks like he’s fallen short of the Troll line.

A little anticlimactic, as Li’l Rocky grabs a handful of clay and slaps it over a chipped bicep and Kaya moves out of the fog and onto the hill.

[Circle: Upkeeps spells, Warp2 throws Reckoner @ Impaler, falls short and lands in front of all the trolls. Wold heals for 1, moves up on hill in stone form. Warp1 stands up and regens, Kaya onto hill.]

The Pup serves Spiritus Dei to the waiting Diners

Kraye looks to be coming under the effects of the gobber gasses, he’s looking a little woozy, but he’s spotted Reznik out in the open. Here comes the rifle and…. No wound, the shot’s glances off a pauldron. The Hunter’s moving in now and… it’s good! Reznik takes a shot to the chest!

Rat-tat-tat!

Looks like Kraye’s pushing his warjacks as the Ironclad moves into the Li’l Rocky and the Vet, and the Sentinel… sounds like the Chain Gun’s getting ready to fire, and STRAIGHT AT KAYA! Look at those shells fly!

The arkanikameras should be showing you the flow of energy as she redirects some of those impacts onto Li’l Rocky.

[Cygnar: Kraye takes 2 from the swamp gasses, shoots Reznik, no dam. Hunter shoots Reznik, 10 dam. Sentinel moves around to Kaya, 6 shots into rear arc; Kaya takes 7 damage herself, transfers remainder to Wold. Ironclad in b2b with Warp1 and wold]

The Trolls look to be taking advantage of the gift Reckoner on the ground in front of them; Sunshine the Winter Troll lays into the prone Spiritus Dei and looks to have iced up several of the Reckoner’s pistons. In comes and… yes, the Reckoner’s back in the air and he’s back up on the hill! He’s like an eight ton tennis ball! The landing seems to have shaken some of the ice off; Spiritus Dei’s still down, but not out of the game yet.

The Trolls rough up Spiritus Dei before tossing it back up the hill

Another spear from Pookie the Impaler misses the Pup, but it looks like Grim’s thrown out a magical large blue industrial weighted sheet – yes, folks, we have a Man Tarp (tee hee). He’s unlimbered Headhunter and there’s another shot at Reznik, going wide as the gobber gasses catch in the sniper’s throat and cause what looks like an involuntary spasm… either that, or Grim Angus is secretly a closet flamenco dancer.

[Trolls: Impaler passes frenzy. Winter lays into Reckoner, minor damage but chain attack critical freeze. Mauler throws the Reckoner back up the hill, missing Warp2. POW15 on Reckoner on landing next to Warp2, minor damage. Impaler throws spear at Warp2, misses. Grim mantraps Warp2, shoots and misses Reznik as he takes 3 damage from gas.]

Back on the hill, it looks like Spiritus Dei is getting up. The ice is hampering his movement, but yes, he’s on his feet, and here comes Vox Dei to back his squadmate up. There’s the flame pike swinging in before the Pup can drop the Reckoner and… yes! The Pup’s in the air! Vox Dei has successfully tossed the Warpwolf off the hill and into Grumpy the Mauler! Both warbeasts are down!

The Trolls are served a second course... this time, Pup!

The Guardian’s arc node is flaring again, and… Grim’s on fire! The Troll warlock’s on fire! Oh, not a good day to be Grim Angus, and… yes, Reznik’s chanting and… is it just me or did every Warbeast just sigh wistfully?

Yep, the arkanikameras show that Reznik has drained the fury out of the beasts and their warlocks, and there looks to be a lingering force near Kaya and Grim, Kraye appears to have escaped the effect of the chant.

[Menoth: Reckoner forfeits action to stand, movement to unfreeze. Guardian charges Warp2, critical pitch from spear, throws Warp2 into Mauler. Reznik moves up hill, Firestarter on Grim, pops feat to remove all fury from all the trolls and circle.]

Turn 4

Down in the Troll quarter as the Pup sinks claws and fangs into the downed Mauler, looks like it’s over for Grumpy. How will Grim fare without his heavy lifter? Meanwhile, the Vet looks to have torn an arm off the Ironclad and, yes, he’s taken out a knee using the warjack’s own hammer. Down it goes!

She's so hot she's smokin'

Screaming in frustration she launches a spell at the Guardian – could be a mistake, yes, the Reckoner’s on the move but is heading away from Kaya? Ah! He’s taking a shot at the Hunter… but it goes wide.

[Circle: Warp2 shreds the Mauler (kills), *almost* uses animus… Warp1 attacks Ironclad, chain knocks it down and removes hammer. Kaya uses feat, cloak on self- catches fire (Reznik feat). Spirit Fang on Guardian; Witch hound lets Reckoner move around towards Hunter, but Reckoner misses.]

Kraye’s up and out of the swamp gasses; looks like his head’s cleared as he levels his carbine and fires two shots in rapid succession at the High Executioner… and… he’s down! Ladies and Gentlemen, Servath Reznik is down! We’re teleporting him out now, looks like we have an arkanikamera close enough to catch his parting words…

“I’ma gonna wrack you up
Never gonna let you down
I’ma gonna use this poker and burn you
Yeah, I’m gonna make you cry
Never gonna let you die
Til I’ve purged your sins, you heretic you”

I can’t believe it! Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve been Wrackrolled!!!

I knew I was in trouble after the first shot...

Kraye has no time for these shenanigans, the Happy Campers are still on the move. The Ironclad swings and misses the Vet as the Sentinel sprays Kaya again! Looks like the little lady wasn’t able to shunt all the damage to Li’l Rocky again, she’s bleeding. Up comes the Hunter, fires a shot at the Vet and…

… what, seriously? Dude, that was off my a mile! Who tuned up that jack’s cortex last?? The Hunter moves back of the hill in shame.

[Cygnar: Kraye moves onto hill, shoots Reznik, kills on second shot. Sentinel gets 3 strafes on Kaya. 7 damage transferred to wold, Kaya takes 4. Ironclad misses Warp2. Hunter moves to protect kraye, shoots warp – rolls 1-1-1. Hunter moves back down off hill (light cavalry).]

The flames are working their way over Grim, it’s a wonder they haven’t hit a gunpowder yet, and it looks like he’s just slashed open a wrist on his gunblade! Talk about desperate measures! The Winter Troll’s all iced up again and barrels towards the Pup as the Impaler chips some paint of Vox Dei.

Pop goes the Kaya

Moving up onto the hill, Grim Angus takes aim with Headhunter at Kaya, and well, it looks like Grim’s earned his pay this week. A solid shot and the Circle warlock goes down as Grim spreads the net across the hill.

[Trolls: Grim takes fire damage, cuts self for 6. Winter Troll Rime andFfreezer, moves on Warp2. Impaler throws Spear at Guardian, hits for nominal damage. Grim moves onto hill, shoots Kaya for kill. Freezer on self. Grim Spreads the Net and casts Return Fire.]

The Menite jacks may have lost their leader, but both are still fully functional. Spiritus Dei takes another shot at the Hunter, going wide. Someone forgot to say his prayers this morning. Vox Dei must have chanted the right one though, that flame pike looks like it almost performed an impromptu chestectomy on the Pup!

[Menoth: No Reznik, but scenario means jacks now independent. Guardian spears Warpwolf, leaving it with 2 health left. Reckoner takes another shot @ hunter, misses.]

Turn 5

Two field leaders down, it’s between Grim and Kraye now, though the Circle beasts and Menite jacks aren’t going to make it easy for either opponent.

The Pup sinks its claws into the Winter Troll and promptly gets brain freeze… and arm freeze… leg freeze… you get the idea. The Woldwatcher smashes a stony fist into the Ironclad’s other knee, and with its motive system destroyed the Ironclad goes out of the fight. The Vet takes a swing at Kraye, but can’t connect.

[Circle: Warp2 slashes Winter Troll for 9 damage (and freezes). Wold takes out Ironclad’s move, disabling. Warp1 misses Kraye.]

Hilltop donnybrook as the beasts and jacks refuse to quit

Kraye’s not one to take that sort of thing lightly, and swings back at the grey Warpwolf, but can’t quite drop the beast. The Hunter takes a shot at the Troll warlock, but the shot goes wide… as does Grim’s return shot! Deciding discretion is the better part of valor, the Hunter backs off the hill while its squadmate the Sentinel clambers up.

[Cygnar: Kraye hits Warp1, no kill. Hunter misses Grim, Grim Return Fire misses. Reserve tank to back off. Sentinel onto hill.]

All that clambering up the hill seems to have done the job, the fire on Grim’s has gone out (resulting in a “whoop!” and a brief happy dance from Derrick), but still seems to be throwing his aim off as Grim misses Kraye. Thankfully his beasts are more effective, a spear taking a chunk off Li’l Rocky and the Winter Troll trying to coat the Guardian in ice again before Grim coats himself in icy armour.

Derrick yells "Whoop!". ... Okay, so there's no minis in this pic, but he was just so happy to not be on fire anymore, I had to share the pic...

[Trolls: Grims’ fire goes out. Impaler damages wold (no crit). Winter breaths spray Guardian. Grim moves up, misses Kraye, freezer animus]

The Guardian shrugs off the icy breath and flips the Vet into Kraye; it looks like the Warpwolf didn’t survive the pike, let alone the collision with Kraye! Meanwhile, Spiritus Dei takes a shot at Grim Angus, missing the albino.

[Menoth: Guardian crit pitch Warp1 into Kraye; kills Warp1, no dam to Kraye. Reckoner moves to Grim, misses – Grim returns fire at Kraye, misses.]

Turn 6

Fast running out of teammates, Li’l Rocky takes a swing at Kraye but misses. The Pup tries to finish of Grim but that troll’s a dodgy little bugger, and the returning swing takes the Warpwolf out of the game.[Circle: Wold misses Kraye. Warp moves to and misses Grim, Grim return fire kills the Warp.]Kraye tries to shove the Woldwatcher away, but can’t even take a chip out of Li’l Rocky’s… um… little rocky hide. The light warjacks try to at least make something count; the Sentinel strafes the Impaler for some minor damage, and the Hunter grazing Grim.

[Cygnar: Kraye can’t kill Wold. Sentinel strafes Impaler, light damage. Hunter grazes Grim. Cavalry sabres don't do a heck of a lot against rocks]

Time’s running out for the Trolls; the Impaler finally puts paid to the Li’l Rocky as the Winter Troll evokes a cold blast that… doesn’t seem to affect Kraye at all. Grim brings headhunter up and puts a bullet into Kraye’s shoulder; not life threatening, but blood loss could tell. 

[Trolls: Winter Troll sprays Kraye, Misses. Impaler kills Wold, Kraye open. Grim gets a shot in for 3 dam.]

Those Menite jacks refuse to stay out of the fight! Lumbering past the Winter Troll, the Reckoner takes a swing with the Consecrator, but misses. Grim’s gunblade swings up but skitters across Spiritus Dei’s armour. Meanwhile Vox Dei swings its pike like a club, catching Kraye across the little floppy hat.

[Menoth: Reckoner takes free strike from Winter to get to Grim, free strike misses. Reckoner misses, Grim Return Fire does nothing of note. Guardian pokes Kraye for 4 damage.]

Menite jacks: On your hill, harrassin' your leaders.

Turn 7

Staring into the face of Vox Dei, it looks like Kraye’s realized he doesn’t have a lot of options against a titanic metal monster like that. He swings, but doesn’t even scratch the paint. The Sentinel, still in the game to everyone’s surprise, misses the Impaler by a mile, while the Hunter lives up to its name and plants a shell square into the Winter Troll’s lower ribcage before moving to shield Kraye. Could this be it?

[Cygnar: Kraye swings at Guardian, no damage. Sentinel misses Impaler. Hunter shoots Winter, only 2 health left. Hunter blocks charge lane to Kraye from Winter.]

It looks like Grim Angus senses it too; it’s do or die time!

The Impaler hikes up its metaphorical trousers, bellows its love for Julia Childs, and hurls itself at Captain Jeremiah Kray, a freight train tipped with a freakin’ enormous spiky stick. BAM! It’s a good hit, that one looked like it almost took his head clean off! Kraye’s on the ropes! The Winter troll takes a deep breath and unleashes another blast, but no, it hasn’t quite done the job… looks like it’s up to Grim himself.

Scowling, Grim Angus hefts his rifle and shoves himself to the side to get away from the looming Spiritus Dei and to open up a shot on the bleeding Cygnaran, and…

WHOMP! There it is!

[Trolls: Impaler heals, charges Kraye – leaves him on 1 hp. Winter spray misses. Grim moves away from Reckoner, free strike hits and that’s all she wrote. ]

Spiritus Dei has the last word! Grim Angus is down, I repeat, Grim Angus is down! Captain Jeremiah Kraye and the Happy Campers advance to the finals! And the crowd goes wild!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our first finalist. Thanks for riding with us, and stay tuned for Game Two!