Family Feud: Blondie and the Beast

Ladies and Gentlelost… um… there are some lady readers out there aren’t there? Yes? No? … Cos if it’s just us guys, I’m totally gonna let my personal hygiene go here, until Cliff yells at me…

Anywhen, welcome to the final instalment of Lost Hemisphere’s Family Feud, the throw-down between the king of beats, Benjamin J Grimm, and the most untouchable woman in the Marvel Universe (unless she wants you to, of course), Susan Richards nee Storm.

Now, at first blush this may seem like a forgone conclusion – Sue specialises in bouncing beaty decks, after all… but does she have the oomph to punch back through Ben’s defenses? Let’s find out!

Ben has NO trouble with dinosaurs...

Ben wins the initiative, and opts to take evens – it’s a reasonable expectation that the game’s going to go long enough to get TELBET in play, so it only makes sense to maximise his potential.

Sue keeps her hand, while Ben ships a handful of doodoo, hoping for better out of the mulligan.

Turn One:
… Nothing. Neither player gets their 1-drop, so it’s pretty boring really. Let’s move on.

Turn Two:
Ben beings his feminine counterpart in to play – Sharon Ventura, the She-Thing, destroyer of equipment-based decks.

Sue responds with Luke Cage, street-level hero with a heart of steel and a discard ability… which Sue uses.

She-Thing, completely fearless in the face of Luke’s active card-drawing effect, barrels at high rocky velocity into the hero-for-hire… and then snickers as she powers up to 4/4, so no stun for Luke… Sue takes 3 as Luke crumples under Sharon’s granite fists.

Ben: 50 ; Sue: 47

Turn Three:
Not looking overly happy, Sue reveals that her 3-drop girlfriends went to the mall without her, and thus she has no-one to recruit. She does discard for Luke, but it does little to ease the loneliness.

Ben brings out Thing: Idol o’ Millions, and leaves Sharon out in the open in the front row.

Luke, not being taken in by Sharon’s being out there in the open, launches into Idol o’ Millions, backed by the oomph of a Clobbering Time to go to 6/6 in the face of Idol’s 6/5. Ben goes to Yancy St and accepts the dual stun; Sue draws two cards for Luke’s effect, Ben digs out a Thing: Heavy Hitter thanks to Yancy St. Ben takes 4, Sue takes 2.

She-Thing, lacking Luke’s face to grind into the dirt, shrugs and swings directly into Sue’s face instead for 3.

Ben: 46 ; Sue: 42

Turn Four:
Ben gets in touch with the other elements, bring Crystal on board.

Sue finally gets herself into the game with the ever-functional Invisible Woman: Sue Storm, and leaves it at that.

Crystal brings the fury of the Earth itself into Luke, but Sue Storm blunts the assault; Luke goes down, but no damage leakes through. Sue takes 2

Idol o’ Millions and Sharon Ventura pool their physical resources for a team attack into Sue Storm, but that wily Sue, she’s ready for them and a quick Force Field Projection stops them in their tracks. Ruh-roh.

Ben: 46 ; Sue: 40

Turn Five:
Sue calls up her bouncing baby heavilly-armed boy Franklin, and feeds Luke a discard while she’s at it.

Ben, in comparison, has had enough of being the Idol o’ Millions. A quick word with his press agent and he’s convinced that it’s time to be New & Improved, and lo and behold we have the reinvented Thing, this time a Heavy Hitter at 13/13

Not willing to let their beloved Sue Storm get thwomped, Franklin and Luke pile into Heavy Hitter in a feast of testosterone. Time for the cards to fly! Ben powers up, Luke powers up, Ben powers up again… but Sue slaps a Clobbering Time down, and that’s all she wrote. Ben opts to stun Franklin; both players take 5, Sue draws 2 cards for Luke’s effect, Ben strolls back down Yancy Street to dig out an Ever Lovin’ Blue Eyed Thing.

Sue Storm gets into a slap-fight with Crystal to follow up; Ben sends up a Signal Flare for a powerup for the stunback, but Sue drops another Clobbering Time to go to 9/11. Ben takes 6 as Crystal collapses.

Ben: 35 ; Sue: 35

Turn Six:
Ben pops another flares, for Hulk this time, who settles in the front row with Sharon and Thing: Heavy Hitter.

Sue drops She-Hulk in front of Sue Storm, while Luke stations himself in front of Franklin.

Ben decides to start a familial conflict, sending Hulk into She-Hulk,
13/12 vs 13/13, in an apparent effort to clear path to Sue; Sue responds with a handy Force Field Projections.

Ben, confident that the FFP’s out of the way, flips a Sewer System, and sneaks Heavy Hitter past Sue’s defenses, surprising She-Hulk by stomping on Sue Storm’s head behind her back.

Not quite finished, Ben send Sharon into Luke for a dual stun, both players taking 3.

Not wanting risk losing She-Hulk, Sue activates Franklin for 5 Endurance gain and ends the turn there.

Ben: 32 ; Sue: 33

Turn Seven:
Sue lets her 4-drop self drift away, sending up a Signal Flare for Invisible Woman: Shield of the Four.

Ben gets classic with a new & improved Ever Lovin’ Blue Eyed Thing at 18/18, bouncing Luke back to Sue’s hand.

She-Hulk and Franklin combine forces to take down the monstrous TELBET; A titanic clash ensues, but in the end Ben takes 7, Sue takes 6.
Seriously, no-one played any effects, so there’s not a lot to say

Sue locks and loads, sending her 16/16 Shield of the Four through the unreinforced 14/13 Hulk for an impressive 10 damage.

Ben passes

Ben: 15 ; Sue: 27

Turn Eight:
Rapidly running out of steam, Ben flares for a new Hulk.

Sue drops the nail in the coffin by recruiting Silver Surfer

Combat opens with Sue discarding for Surfer’s effect, and it’s pretty much a done deal.

She Hulk winds up another Clobbering Time and crams through her cousin; another 10 damage for Ben.

Surfer screams out of the sky into the waiting knuckles of a power’d up TELBET; Now, Sue could have used her power here, but opts not to. Ben’s endurance drops by another 7, Sue takes 8.

Kicking the craggy Thing while he’s down, Shield of the Four spirals right through Sharon for another 15, before Franklin activates for 5 point gain for his momma.

Franklin activates to gain 5

Ben: -17 ; Sue: 24

Here’s hoping the victory doesn’t go to her head…

And a-yup, the game ends as predicted, with Sue standing tall and undefeated as the winner of Lost Hemisphere’s Family Feud!

Final tally:
Sue: 3-0
Johnny: 2-1
Ben: 1-2
Reed: 0-3

Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!